Harder than you think....

Is this month over yet?  Happy new folks.  I can tell you right now that my first two weeks of 2013 in terms of running have been utterly, utterly crap.  I started off all hopeful, positive and full of the new year zeal.  I went out for my first run on 3rd January - crap.  Heavy legs, heavy lungs and an even heavier sense of failure.  My only consolation at the end of that run was that with the first one of the year being that bad things could only get better... right?

Wrong.  It seems I started 2013 with a second indication that I am a runner - I lost all motivation to run.  Every run I went on during the first 10 days of the year was worse than the one before.  It did not matter whether I was looking forward to the run or I had dragged myself out despite my better intention.  Every run was heavy on my legs and lungs, mind and motivation.  I thought perhaps I could leave the funk in London but no even when back in Atlanta those early January days were tough.



Mr Lapin noticed my predicament and took me to one side to help talk me through it.  He had noticed how over the past few months I could have great weeks of running - easily completing 10K and then not being able to get past 4.5K.  He talked about how loss of motivation is common not just to running but other sports.  He talked about how running is only a small part of being a runner; that the biggest part is believing you can complete the distance you had started to run.  He reminded me to keep going no matter how lousy I felt; that I had to push through the lethargy because then I would feel great at having overcome the downside instead of lousy that I had let myself give up so easily.  Wise words from Mr Lapin as always.

I had also been thinking hard about why my motivation was down. Why was something that only a month or so back had been so wonderful and something that I believed I was good at now become a millstone?  Why was I now hating running and hating the fact that I hated it?  Was I having nerves about the half-marathon? Was the thought of trying to complete 13 miles suddenly seeming  far too much?  Was I making myself fail before I could possibly fail at the run?  Was I ever going to stop asking myself questions?

I still do not really understand what happened but this month has certainly been a tough, rough running time. I think some of the problem has been monotony - I have been running the same route for the past 4 months and I think I was just getting tired of it.  I think some of it is the age old battle with my self about exactly what I can and can not accomplish.  What has certainly helped kick me back into the enjoyment phase has been running with others.  With the half-marathon weekend long runs starting, I have had the enjoyment of running with others again.  My half-marathon buddies Ms S and Ms L have come to my rescue by helping me get a new routine going.  OK they are still running ahead of me so it is not like I am chatting away with them on the long runs, but knowing they are there and waiting for me has certainly helped get me back to pounding the streets.

Did one of my longest runs yet - 11K (7 miles) a couple of weeks ago and this coming Saturday I am scheduled for an 8 mile with them.  In between I want to get at least a couple of mid-length runs in.  I still need to condition myself (physically and mentally) to run for at least two hours; this more than anything is something that I have to work on over the coming weeks.

Now the good news in amongst all this doom and gloom is that while I might have lost my running zen for a moment there; it did not stop me, Mr Lapin and a few others from braving the wintry Atlanta morning today to run 5K in celebration of Martin Luther King.  I did better than I expected - 31.39min

So while the first 15 days of this month have been pretty damn depressing I think I might just be over the hump and perhaps January is not such a long month after all...